Parlor tricks

Sorry I haven’t added much this week. And no, mom, I don’t have writer’s block. Me busy. Advertising can be a fickle mistress. A mistress that makes you work long hours. That sounds a lot more dirty than intended.

Anyhoo, I arrived home the other night to find Diana reading this book called “Happiest Baby on The Block.” I was too tried to make an ironic joke about our currently Fussy Pants Jones. But the gist of the book is babies would prefer to be in the womb, but they get kicked out before they’re done.

The thing with this book is you can simulate the womb, thus triggering their “Calming Reflex.” I coughed into my hand and said, “Bullsh*t.”

As if on cue, Elijah started crying up a storm. Red faced, squirmy. Angry at me, Diana, Grover, Steve across town.

So Diana does these 5 womb steps (if you want to know the steps, get the book, this isn’t a lending library) and wham! Eli goes from 60 MPH to zero. He laid there in her arms, silent, with a most thoughtful expression.

I dropped to my knees and bowed down to the book. I know, we’re not supposed to worship false idols, but I am currently building the book a temple. And an ark.