Monday, May 28, 2007
Elijah, Pied Piper of old ladies
It was a gorgeous day in Evanston yesterday. So Diana decided to take the family to the garden store. She shared this idea with every old woman and gay man in the greater Chicagoland area. The place was overrun.
I found myself strolling up and down the allergy-punishing aisles with a surprisingly calm Eli. Every time I turned around, there was a long line of old ladies, wringing their hands. “Must…look…at baby.” I couldn’t shake them. His cuteness was a most potent old lady drug. I began to get a little scared because I thought they were trying to steal his essence.
I decided to put this to good use. Eli and I are offering our services as Old Lady Wranglers. For a nominal fee we’ll, hunt down and capture any lost old ladies using Eli’s special magnetic powers. We’re booked through 2009 at the Lincolnwood Mall.