What Not To Watch

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but when I do my Saturday morning duty with the doo doo maker, I’ll put on the TV. Mostly to keep myself awake from the 6-8am slot. I know, I know, you aren’t supposed to allow your less than one year old to be exposed to the evils of television. My answers are:

a) He doesn’t really pay attention to TV.
b) Mind your own stinking business, busybodies.

I do try to keep it to Sportscenter. Because the violence is sports-based. And that means it doesn’t count, right? Right?

But from time to time I’ll have to administer the scary movie commercial eye shield. Why the makers of Torture Porn feel the need to advertise at 6:48am is beyond me.

But I’m finding that I have to use the same technique on Diana. Now that we’re parents, our tolerance of terrible things happening to children is really low. We’ve eliminated “Law and Order” from our TV schedule. All it takes is one grizzled New York cop describing a fictional child abuse case to throw Diana into a “Let’s move to Utah” rampage.

Last Saturday night was date night at the Hamann house. Which meant some candles, a rented movie and the chance of me making out with Diana.

But Diana made the huge mistake of renting “Gone Baby Gone,” the Casey Affleck vehicle. I don’t want to give too much of the movie away, but the title doesn’t refer to a well-hit baseball.

As soon as the movie ended, Diana stomped around the house, angrily questioning the brain capacity of the writers, actors and producers of the film.

Needless to say, I didn’t get to make out with Diana. Thanks a lot, Gone Baby Gone.

I thought about going to my backup, but Grover’s breath smelled like dog food.