Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Mr. No Steven Hamann

There was an ad in the 1980’s for a child safety product that read something to the effect of, “Does your child think his name is ‘no’?”

I think about that every time we put Elijah on the ground. As soon as his little feet and hands touch carpet, he bolts for the trifecta of NO-ness: The stereo, the cords and Grover’s dish.

If I’m brushing my teeth in the bathroom I can tell where Eli is in our living room based on Diana’s “no’s.”

“No, Eli. Not for babies.” That’s the stereo.

“No, Eli. Cords are dangerous.” That’s the cords (duh).

“No Eli, That’s for Grovers, not babies.” That means his little fingers have touched dog water.

And so on and so forth until Diana gets frustrated and takes him up to his room where we have removed all the not for babies items. Unless you include the ball pooping train.

The best slash worst slash best part is he knows he’s being naughty. A split second before he reaches for a no item, he’ll look over his shoulder with a look that says, “Are you watching this? I’m about to touch a forbidden object. Pay attention to me.”

Diana’s dad suggested kicking Eli in the butt. But we’re not going to try that. Yet.

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