Thursday, December 20, 2007

Worst Dad In the World: Scissor Edition

This morning I tried to build up some wife goodwill points by waking up with Elijah. My goodwill points are usually tapped out by the time Steve and Tom leave Friday night. Stinky boys.

So after changing his thoroughly soaked diaper (I don’t know how a child can produce double his body weight in pee over the course of a night) and replenishing his fluids with 7 ounces we went down to the bathroom.

The real bummer about me taking the morning shift during the week is I have to get ready for work. Which means I sit Elijah in a chair on our bathroom floor and attempt to shower and entertain an 8 month old at the same time. I usually sing him songs about soap or rubber duckies. I also assure him that with his mother’s genes he has a 50% chance of not being a hairy ape like his father.

This surprisingly keeps him occupied for the 10 minutes it takes for me to wash the stink of advertising off. Until this morning.

While I was washing my hair, my Spidey Sense starting tingling. I looked out of the shower and saw that Elijah had figured out how to open the drawers under the sink. I thought, “Well, there’s nothing in there that can possibly hurt him…”

He started extracting items to inspect: Toothpaste. Deodorant. Hair Conditioner. SCISSORS! BIG POINTY SCISSORS! BIG POINTY, BABY LOSE EYE SCISSORS! I leapt out of the shower and snatched the sharp evildoers out of his hands. Eli cared more about me soaking him than snatching the scissors.

My holiday break will now include baby proofing the house.

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