Marianna

Lots of HamannEggs readers have been asking for a Marianna babysitter update. She’s been Eli’s sole caregiver Wednesday and Friday afternoons and you poor readers have gotten no dirt on her. Sorry about that.

Let me take you through a typical Rick/Marianna encounter…

I burst through the front door unannounced at 7:31 on the dot. I usually scream, “Gotcha!” hoping to catch her in some kind of illegal act. She usually leaps up from quietly reading Food and Wine magazine (I’m convinced she’s only reading the wine articles).

We told her my twin brother Steve will sometimes come over if I’m working late. So she usually says, “Are you Steve?” And I’ll reply, “Maybe I am and maybe I’m not. I’ll ask the questions, lady.”

Then I’ll go immediately to my dvd collection and force her to wait while I count them just to make sure she hasn’t hidden one in her purse. Then I’ll randomly open closet doors looking for party guests, screaming, “Gotcha!” Marianna will beg me to be quiet, as she usually has just put Elijah to bed.

I’ll then ask her to complete a field sobriety test. Alphabet backwards, nose touching, Rumba. She does it without question and I’ll say, “You won this time, Marianna.” She’ll then ask me not to breathe my beer breath on her face.

Actually, The only part of this that’s true is the quietly reading part. She’s a lovely woman who Elijah loves and Grover adores. She usually gives me a five-minute recap of Elijah’s cuteness and then she’s off to church for the evening service.