Diana spent a week trying to convince me to buy a new car. I’m not sure if you know this about me, but large purchases give me hives. It’s not that I’m cheap, I’m just convinced that my bosses will discover I’m a fraud and run me out of my lucrative advertising career and I’ll actually have to work for a living.
So Diana approached me, with a chair and whip, and suggested the idea of buying a new car. I started to get an eye tick. Our green Subaru was perfectly fine, although at the grocery store I can never tell which green Subaru was ours in the sea of Evanston’s green Subarus. But it’s starting to fall apart and get weird and expensive clanks in the engine. Still, I rolled up into a ball and started moaning.
But Diana had an ace up her sleeve. “Well, the new Subarus are much safer. You know, for the baby…” I looked over at Elijah, who was looking especially cute. His eyes seemed to say, “Da da, me need side impact air bags. By the way, I wuv you.” I think they planned it.
Next thing I know, I’m sitting in the Subaru dealer, fighting the urge to turn over the salesman’s desk. In the end, Diana negotiated a kick ass deal for our car, so my hives were controlled.
We got a great new red Subaru that can withstand a howitzer shell.
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