Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The Pill

Elijah is still in the clutches of Croup. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I address him as “Croup face” and “Croup poop” and “Croupie Crouperson.”

As I said in my last post, Eli’s doctor gave him two big, fat horse pills that Eli immediately threw up. So I was instructed by Diana to fetch two new horse pills and get them into our son at all costs.

First, a quick trip to the pharmacy where the pharmacist and I had a painful “Who’s on First” conversation:

“Where did he throw the pills?”
“No, I said threw up…”
“Why did he throw them?”

Then, I arrived home to see the sad, pathetic Croup Face. He was pale as a ghost, with red rings around his eyes. He looked like a baby vampire. Especially when he sank his teeth into my thigh.

Knowing getting two giant horse pills into him would be harder than getting Grover into a bathtub, I thought my best plan of attack was deception.

I crushed the two pills and submerged them into a big spoonful of Peach Ice cream. I overly eagerly shoved the pill ice cream into Eli’s face.

“Oooh, look. Ice cream. Yummy yummy in your tummy tummy.”

Eli knew something was up and groaned, “Nooooooooo.”

I pretended to eat the spoonful of pill ice cream while expressing my unbelievable delight at the tasty treat. However, a tiny bit of the pill powder fell on my tongue. I spitted repeatedly and shouted, “Oh lord! This is awful! Terrible! Awful.”

I quickly tried to recover and said, “I mean yummy. Try some!”

Eli dodged the spoon and moaned, “Nooooooooooo.”

I returned to the kitchen, where I plopped the melted pill ice cream into a cup. I tried to pass it off as his favorite treat: orange juice. He again refused because it didn’t look like orange juice so much as an orange slime blob.

He shoved my hand away so hard, some of the pill slime spilled out of the cup. I immediately discovered swearing is sometimes involuntary.

Finally, I sucked the pill slime into the baby syringe we use to administer baby Tylenol. I held it out and said, “Take this medicine.”

He then said, “Oh, medicine?” and drank it down.

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