Horsey Tricks

A few months ago, I introduced you to Elijah and my concept of horsey. Which involves him sitting on my stomach and me thrusting my hips in the air in an attempt to buck him off. Weird? Yes. Fun? Also yes. But as he has gotten bigger, my ability to thrust him without giving myself lower back distress has lowered.

So today I introduced him to the real, non weird concept of horsey. After much convincing, I got him to climb on my back and I walked around on my hands and knees. All while yelling, “I’m a horsey!”

He loved it, but it didn’t have the element of danger that his old stomach thrusting horse had. So he slid around on my back, sidesaddle a la Annie Oakley. He fell off a few times and laughed hysterically. Until he smashed his head on our bed frame.

I instructed him to hold on to the horsey. Much to my dismay, the best place to hold on was my adam’s apple. So he would squeal with glee and I would squeal with lack of air.

Enter Grover. Apparently, the sight of a grown man on all fours carrying a toddler on his back is the dog equivalent of Christie Brinkley. That dog could not help himself from mounting me (us).

I’d shout, “Grover get off!” And Elijah would shout, “Go go! Geh oh.” And he’d squeeze my adam’s apple. Then I’d wheeze, “Guh…guh…life…passing…before…eyes.”