Thursday, March 26, 2009
Who’s On First
My lovely wife Diana and my closer than close friend Patrick are both deaf in one ear. That, combined with my severe case of the mumbles reduces any conversation into a series of me repeating myself. And now it has trickled down to Elijah. Apparently, Elijah believes any and all questions must first be answered with either “What?” or “Huh? Which reduces our conversations to a Laurel and Hardy routine.
“Elijah, do you want some milkies?”
“Do you want some milk?”
“Do. You. Want. Milk?”
“Milk. It comes from a cow. Do you want me to put it in a sippie cup?”
“You can hear me.”
“Keep it up and I’m not going to give you any milk ever again.”
“Do you want me to beat you?”
You may be thinking that Eli actually has a hearing problem and I am a terrible parent for making fun. But remember, if I am trying to sneak by him in the morning to make a 6am flight to Atlanta he can hear carpet strands bend under my feet and will wake up angry.
Out of curiosity, I signed up for a website monitoring service to see how many people read the blog. Yesterday’s total? Zero point zero. Not even Diana looked at the site.
Well, at least I still think I’m hilarious. And Grover does. But he can’t read. So he gets a pass.