Thursday, March 26, 2009

Who’s On First


My lovely wife Diana and my closer than close friend Patrick are both deaf in one ear. That, combined with my severe case of the mumbles reduces any conversation into a series of me repeating myself. And now it has trickled down to Elijah. Apparently, Elijah believes any and all questions must first be answered with either “What?” or “Huh? Which reduces our conversations to a Laurel and Hardy routine.

“Elijah, do you want some milkies?”

“Huh?”

“Do you want some milk?”

“What?”

“Do. You. Want. Milk?”

“Huh?”

“Milk. It comes from a cow. Do you want me to put it in a sippie cup?”

“What?”

“You can hear me.”

“What?”

“Keep it up and I’m not going to give you any milk ever again.”

“Huh?”

“Do you want me to beat you?”

“Huh?”

You may be thinking that Eli actually has a hearing problem and I am a terrible parent for making fun. But remember, if I am trying to sneak by him in the morning to make a 6am flight to Atlanta he can hear carpet strands bend under my feet and will wake up angry.

Out of curiosity, I signed up for a website monitoring service to see how many people read the blog. Yesterday’s total? Zero point zero. Not even Diana looked at the site.

Well, at least I still think I’m hilarious. And Grover does. But he can’t read. So he gets a pass.

10 comments:

MC said...

That monitoring system is for the birds.

I'm a daily stalker. Er...reader.

No, stalker was right.

I can smell your fingers typing each letter.

I can taste your eye looking at the computer screen.

I can hear you laughing at your own jokes.

cheeky said...

WHATEVER! we check in with the ham fam at least every other day!

collective-thinking.com said...

Face it Rick: despite having lots of readers who find your stories of child rearing and family life a worthy post-modern successor to Bill Keane's "Family Circus" (http://www.familycircus.com/), we all know you're not writing this for us...

This is the single greatest love letter to a child any father's ever written. Proving yet again, quantitative analysis is hooey.

By the way "hears carpet bend" is genius.

Bill said...

I definitely visited the site yesterday (and every other day for that matter) Rick. Keep writing, the stories you share are hilarious. Oh and Eli looks absolutely adorable! Hope the 7 of you up north are doing well!

Bill said...

Oh...and if you want a good counter, here's one that I've used on multiple sites for years now. And it's free!

http://cqcounter.com/

steve hamann said...

I never look at your jerky site for jerks.
EVER.

Tom said...

which one is Rick? is he the dog?

TeacherRefPoet said...

I read this, but often on my RSS so it won't register on your counter. Just to keep you from getting a big head.

Freya's mom said...

I found your blog by accident when i set up a google alert for my boss with the same last name. I have a new boss now, but I still read your blog. I have a baby girl around the same age.

OIJOY PHOTO - the blog said...

i love hamann eggs!