The Bug

Like a bad sitcom roommate, there is a lazy cold/flu Bug that simply will not leave our house. We were introduced to it last Christmas. It was like, “Oh man, do you mind if I crash on your couch for a couple weeks? Just until I can find a new family to infect…”

Being kind hearted, Elijah said it was ok and let the cold/flu mooch crawl into his head. He should have known better. The Bug had all these grand plans. First he was going to start his own Bug business. Something about designer snot. Then he was going to temp at the local drinking fountain. Then he was going to apply to culinary school. But noooo. All he did was hang out in Eli’s head, messing up the place. And it made Elijah miserable.

Thankfully, the Bug got the hint and went over to counsins Finn and Rory’s head for a while. But my brother Steve has no patience for freeloader Bugs and told it to hit the bricks.

So last week, during a torrential rainstorm, the pathetic Bug showed up at our door again. It had some lame story about needing to stay with us until its court settlement arrived. So Diana and Eli caved and let it back in.

AND NOW I HAVE IT.

I’ll admit, I thought I was immune to The Bug. Di and Eli have been in various stages of sick for months and months and I felt great. They’d be hacking away and crying and I’d be standing on my head. “3 beers a day keeps the doctor away,” I'd sing.

In fact, last weekend I started to get a little testy with my sick family. “Get over it! Take some vitamins and go for a brisk walk.”

And then Eli sneezed directly in my mouth.

This morning I woke up feeling awful. The Bug has not only moved in, he put up all its posters and set up its stereo and put its futon in the corner of my skull. All day I’ve been asking it when The Bug plans on moving on. But The Bug says there is a lot more room in my head than Eli or Diana. Less brains.

I heard it talking about taking the real estate exam. I don’t think it’s leaving anytime soon.

p.s That’s my toothbrush Eli’s messing with.