Archenemy

I think everyone should have an archenemy. Take Superman. If he is walking down the street and suddenly runs into Lex Luthor, he knows the rest of his morning will be spent creating a fair amount of collateral damage in Metropolis.

Well, I am happy to report I have discovered my archenemy. And its name is “Adventure Playsets Trail Blazer Wooden Swing Set.” APTBWSS for short. Diana found it online and desperately wants it for Elijah’s 2nd birthday.

You may be asking yourself, “Didn’t your house already come with a swing set that you spent 2 full days dismantling and exhausting every swear word known to man several years ago?” To which I say, “What, did you major in Hamann Family trivia in college? Good luck getting a job with that.”

Anyhoo, the APTBWSS is coming sometime this Spring. It will not arrive constructed. It will arrive very un-mantled. I know you Hamann Family Trivia majors are giggling into your coffees because I am not known as a handy dad. As you recall, I almost committed myself to a mental institution putting together Eli’s crib.

This morning I looked up the APTBWSS online and looked at the reviews. Full disclosure, the vast majority of the reviews were glowing. 4 stars, 5 stars. But I wasn’t interested in those. I scrolled down to the 1 star reviews. It seems as though the major flaw with the APTBWSS is its relative impossibility to construct. Great. Here are a couple reviews:

(2 Stars By Binki) “Anyone named Rick Hamann will lose a thumb putting this together.”

(1.5 Stars By Mommypants) “Rick should call 911 before starting this project to save time.”

(2 Stars by Grandma9) “Do not attempt to put this together if you like Star Wars, work in advertising and secretly store a Grover stuffed animal in your bedside table.”

Here’s the light at the end of the APTBWSS. Diana’s dad has volunteered to help me put it together. He is most handy. Virtually everything in our house that involves tools other than a spoon was built by Don Jacklich. So at the very least, I can share the pain and several dozen beers.