I’m looking out the window of the office right now at the Adventure Playsets Trail Blazer Wooden Swing Set (APTBWSS). And it’s looking right back at me. It’s talking. I can’t hear it through the window, but I can see its lips move.
“I…couldn’t…get…you…but…I’ll…get…your…son.”
And the APTBWSS is well on its way, as evidenced by the two, count ‘em two gashes on Elijah’s face. According to Diana, Eli was innocently climbing the APTBWSS’s ladder when the APTBWSS shook him off. I imagine it laughed like Vincent Price. “Moooahahahah!” Eli also landed on his spine upon reaching the bottom of the slide several times. The APTBWSS shook with laughter. In my mind.
I think this is how kids get Scoliosis spines.
This afternoon, I dragged out my lawn mower’s gas can and a box of matches. “Hurt my son, will ya?” I shouted. As I was about to turn it into a funeral pyre, Eli gleefully climbed the ladder and slid down the slide giggling the whole time. Although he did land with a disturbing spine rattle.
I’ll let you live today, APTBWSS. But I have my eye on you.
Oh, and thanks to all the HamannEggs readers who inserted comments to my last post about no one reading the site. I clearly have loyal readers and a malfunctioning monitoring service.
And yes, I was fishing for compliments. Today, I’d like you to tell me how handsome I am in the comments section.
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