Tuesday, March 10, 2009

First Swear

This is so delicious, I can’t stand it. Like first steps and first poops, the first swear is a major rite of passage. Usually first swears are learned from drunken uncles at family reunions. Or from network TV. So it delights me to no end that the devil’s language was picked from the same woman who has been warning me to watch my mouth in front of Elijah. His mommy!

Last night, Diana made me a delicious taco salad and we sat down to watch the lowest form of televised entertainment: the reality show reunion. Unfortunately, Eli hasn’t adjusted to the clocks, so he was upstairs chattering happily away well past his bedtime.

He had already stripped himself and finished his water and had relayed the events of the day to his stuffed animals. So his only option to occupy himself was dumping all his toys and blankets and clothes over the side of the crib one by one.

(Thunk) “Oh sit!”

(Thunk) “Oh sit!”

I looked at Diana and asked, “What did he just say?”

Diana guiltily tried to change the subject. “Hey, let’s talk about that thing you found in your ear. That’s a great story.”

(Thunk) “Oh sit!”

It turns out, Diana dropped something on the floor yesterday and muttered the offending phrase under her breath. Forgetting full well the boy has ears like a hawk.

(Thunk) “Oh sit!”

I just sat and smiled. Knowing the score of things I’ve done to screw him up versus things Diana has done to screw him up was now 1,000,000 to 1.

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