Houdini

Diana and Elijah are pitched in a heated battle. Over pee pee dominance. No, this isn’t a potty training blog entry. That little experiment has completely ground to a halt. This is a battle over Eli’s insistence on whizzing all over himself whenever he takes a nap.

It goes like this. Diana will put Elijah down in our room for his midday nap in his Pack And Play. She’ll tell him she loves him. He’ll refuse to tell her he loves her and she’ll tiptoe out of the room, dejected. At which point Elijah feverously removes all his clothes and diaper.

There is no real explanation for it other than he likes being naked. And who doesn’t? It’s the only way I’ll take a nap. Especially in my hammock. And being naked is totally cool with us at the Hamann house. Unless you can’t control your bladder.

Without fail the little guy will let loose a torrent of pee all over himself, his stuffed animals, his Pack And Play, his hair, our neighbor’s swing set, passing airplanes, Grover. Everywhere. That’s bad enough. But after a little while basking in his liquid leavings, it ceases to be body temperature. And Diana usually finds him shivering, pee covered mess at the end of any given nap.

So Diana has been desperately trying to prevent him from nuding himself. She stuffed him into a sleep sack, which he escaped from like a tiny Houdini. He also bested a full body zipper suit. And a straight jacket slash chain link combo.

So Diana resorted to duct taping. But not without warning. The other afternoon she brought up a roll of the stuff and sat Eli down. She said, “Elijah. Mommy doesn’t want to duct tape your diaper. But if you pee again all over yourself, this is going to happen.”

At which point Eli tickled her and said, “Tika tika tika.” Diana did not pee herself. But Eli did.

So yesterday was his inaugural taping. It was successful. If not slightly humiliating for all involved.

p.s. Diana didn’t have time to gather photographic evidence. So enjoy this photo of me as a child. I think we can officially declare Eli got his beauty from his mother.