Saturday, April 26, 2008
A Word From The Dog
Hello humans! It’s me, your lovable pal Grover. I don’t know if you can smell me from your houses, put I am so excited. I made a major breakthrough with the human puppy. Can you see my tail wagging? Can you? I have officially decided not to eat him.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s back up.
Today started out like any other Saturday. The man brought the human puppy downstairs at 6am. The human puppy smelled like poop, which I love. The man smelled like 8 hour old beer, which I hate. While the man watched the giant noisy glowing box, the human puppy started in on the fur pulling.
But after the woman came down, the man left for a long time and when he came back, he transformed the backyard from mud, which I love, to grass, which I love more than mud. I don’t know how he did it. I can never understand human magic. Apparently it has to do with swearing.
The only bummer is the swearing man didn’t throw me the tennis ball. No matter how many times I dropped it at his feet. He just kept swearing. So I noticed the human puppy on the deck. He was chattering away like the hairless monkey he is.
So I thought, “What the hey?” I walked over and dropped the tennis ball at its chubby feet. And you know what? He threw it to me! Yeah yeah, his throw was a total of four inches, but when I brought it back, he threw it again. He seemed to like it because he shrieked every time I gave him the ball.
And the man and the woman got all agitated and surrounded me and the puppy and said over and over, “Good boy! Good boy!” I couldn’t tell if they were saying it to me or the puppy. I assume me because I was catching the tennis ball with my usual Grover-like grace.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. The man and the woman made the human puppy for me. As a ball thrower. I knew I was still #1. Thank you man and woman. Thank you.