Friday, January 4, 2013

Barf Time

I recently saw an article about how people perceive time.  Even though we all know a minute is 60 seconds and an hour is 60 minutes, the way those units of time feel is different for every person.  Especially when they are experiencing great stress or great boredom.  Minutes can seem like hours or seconds can seem like days.

Just after the new year, I experienced the longest unit of time imaginable:  Barf Time. 

Luca passed his terrible cough to Elijah and Eli upgraded it to puking.  Not in a flu-y fever way.  But in a cough so hard your guts fly out of your body way. 

Unfortunately, I first discovered this at a New Years Eve party.  Tom and Judy and their incredibly cute daughter Iris had us over for a “Ball Drops at 8pm” soiree.  They had pizza, cookies, big wheels and as much apple juice as a 5 year old can drink.

A quick note about Tom’s daughter Iris.  You know how you can look at a kid and think, “They dude is going to grow up to be a jerk.” Or, “That kid is going to grow up to be incarcerated in the federal pen.”  When I look at Iris I think, “That girl is going to grow up to be the most hilarious woman in her college dorm.”  I don’t know if that’s good or bad.  But it’s the vibe I got from the way she completely owned that party.

Back to barf.  The ball dropped at 8.  Noise was made and stomachs were shaken.  The boys had their coats on and were in the process of being forced to hug all the adults in attendance.  Elijah started hacking his face off when suddenly…

BOOM.  BOOM.  BOOM.  Drops of barf hit the floor in slow motion.  I was frozen in a block of ice, unable to get my hands under his eruption fast enough.  BOOM.  BOOM.  I screamed, “Noooooooooo!” But my voice was all low from the slow motion.

Judy seemed to appear out of thin air, moving at normal speed, carrying paper towels and disinfectant.  As she scrubbed, she declared over and over how this was completely okay and no one should manufacture a phobia about barfing in public like a certain dad we all know.  All I could do was continue my, “Oooooooooo!”

Elijah, was completely unfazed by the whole thing.  He merely caught is breath, looked down and said, “Dada.  I puked!”

I apologized.  Judy scrubbed.  Luca suggested we call a fire truck.

It was all over in a matter of minutes.  Or hours.  Or days.  But thankfully it was over.  Until we went to the movies the next day.  Foreshadow engage! 

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