Wednesday, January 9, 2013


Three nights ago, I was really giving Elijah and Luca the business because they were bailing water out of the tub like it was a leaky dingy.  While I caught my breath, Elijah said, “Dad, when you yell at us like that I’m afraid you don’t love me any more.”

Game.  Set.  Match.

That night, I vowed not to ever yell at them again.  Ever.  Ever.  That is going to be Diana’s job from now on. 

Luckily, I had an opportunity for a fresh start because we were going on vacation in Florida!  Grandpa Ed and Grandma Connie were extra extra generous for Christmas so we used their gift to fly everyone to The Pink Shell Resort for 4 days.

I made it through the flight without so much as raising my voice.  Partly because the boys are at a stage where they know how to sit in a seat for 2 hours and partly because some angel invented the portable DVD player.

We arrive in Florida and I could literally feel my blood pressure drop.  This whole not yelling thing was going to be a snap.  Of course you can have ice cream for breakfast.  Of course you can jump on the bed.  Of course you can take your pants off and press your genitals against our pool facing windows.

But run by the pool?   No.  No running by the pool.  Luca.  No running by the pool.  Luca.  Luca!  LUCA!  NO RUNNING BY THE POOL!!!!!!

Well, I made it almost 24 whole hours.  No amount of yelling could convince Luca to slow down by the pool.  He seemed to believe the only way to move at the resort was at Carl Lewis speed. 

Aaand of course, he biffed on the pool deck.  Hard.  The back of his head hitting the tile sounded like a bowling ball falling from three floors. 

I immediately scooped him up and held him slash admonished him.  Held.  Admonished.  Held.  Admonished.  As I whispered in his ear, I felt something warm cascading down my leg.  While he cried, Luca whizzed all over me.  Soon, I was standing in a Luca created puddle.

I carefully held him and wadded into the pool to wash the urine off us both.  It wouldn’t be the first time that pool had Luca urine in it by a long shot.  I asked him if he was okay. 

He responded by shouting across the crowded pool to his mother, “Mama!  I pee peed on Wick!”

I vowed not to yell at them for another 25 hours.

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