Ear

When I arrive home each night from the office, the same thing happens. I head to the backyard with my bike and unlock the garage. I then look around to see if any of the neighbors are home to bask in my environmental commuting technique. I hang my bike and walk out of the garage. And then I’m greeted by Elijah standing on the back porch. Nude. Always nude.

It makes my heart proud that Eli has decided to continue his love of nakedness. But it does have its downside. Like getting peed in your ear.

Huh? What? You’re confused? Having your son pee in your ear doesn’t ring a bell? Well, it does for me.

The other night, both Eli and Luca were nude in our basement, engaged in an epic game of “Naked Crazies.”

Rather than calm things down, I decided to amp things up by turning into a Tickle Monster. Even though there were two of them, I was able to dominate them both with my superior strength and superior tickling ability.

Every time one child would attempt to escape, I’d grab him and resume the tickling. I should’ve known I was asking for trouble. After the third or fourth time Eli tried to escape, I pinned his arms to his body and tickled him violently.

And that’s when he peed on me. Or rather IN me. A perfect shot right into my ear. I reacted as though he stuck a red-hot poker into my ear canal. I screamed and recoiled and ran into the bathroom.

Which made both boys laugh even harder.