Friday, January 29, 2010

Belly Bump

I arrived home last night from work and heard the usual delighted shrieking upstairs from Elijah.

After removing my 14 layers of warmth I climbed up and found Diana and Luca sitting in Eli’s rocking chair. Luca was looking deep, deep into Diana’s eyes with a look that can only be described as “limitless love.”

I muttered, “Sheesh. Get a room, you two,” and went off to find Eli. He was nude, of course, and jumping up and down on the bed. Eli immediately started begging for “Belly Button! Belly Button!”

A few weeks ago, sheer boredom brought out a deep memory of mine. Do you remember in the 1970’s, there was a brief period of time when “Belly Bumping” was a fad? Belly Bumping was when you collected two fat guys (in 1970, “fat” was considered 180lbs) with beer bellies and forced them to crash into each other, belly first. I don’t remember what the rules were. Or what you won if you bumped correctly. Or if was even called “Belly Bumping.” But I remember it was hilarious and most likely played a major roll in the show “Real People.”

So I introduced Eli to the sport. Eli runs the length of our bed, naked belly first, and crashes into my much more massive stomach. This sends him flying backwards onto the bed, where he checks himself for broken bones, scrambles to his feet and shoves his belly out again. He calls it “Belly Button,” but I don’t think the producers of “Reel People” would mind.

For some reason, I’ve adopted the voice of professional wrestler Randy “Macho Man” Savage when we play. After I rattle Eli’s bones with the physics of 35 pound boy versus 170 pound man, I shout, “Oh yeah! I belly bumped you good! I am the Belly Bumping MASTER!” I then flex my-would be muscles and pose obnoxiously and repeat, “Oh Yeah!” over and over. This makes Elijah hyperventilate with laughter.

Unlike most New Years’ Revolutionists, I save my bodily revisions for February. I don’t drink alcohol for the month, I attempt to exercise and generally try to reverse some of the damage I’ve done to myself over the last 12 months. Why February? Because it’s the shortest month, silly.

So I’m hoping I won’t have as much belly to bump Eli come March 1st. But I’ll still have my Macho Man voice.

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