L’Artiste

Much like I don’t want to turn this blog into a potty training depot, I don’t want to turn this into a laundry list of Elijah naughtiness. But it is hard to focus on the cute, funny, adorable things he does on a day to day basis when he takes a permanent marker and draws over every surface of our living room.

Allow me to elaborate. Last Saturday, Diana and I were playing with Eli. You know, the usual demonstrations of genius, tickling, explaining why he cannot watch TV, etc. But simultaneously, Diana and I left Eli alone thinking the other parent was on the case. Diana went to the office to check email and I went to the bathroom to check my stock report.

In the 2.4 minutes he was alone, Eli got a hold of a permanent marker from our dry erase fridge thing and drew little scribbles over every surface of our living room.

If you’ll refer to your HamannEggs trading cards, you’ll remember that Diana has moderate to severe ocd. So when she discovered Eli’s little drawing experiment, her eyes began twitching, her face turned bright red and steam began pouring from her ears sounding very much like a teakettle.

I scooped him up and ran upstairs to prevent him from being sent to The Island of Naughty Children And Husbands Who Leave Their Clothes On The Floor.

Here is a rundown of all the material Eli scribbled on plus their relative attachment to blue permanent marker on a scale from 1-10.

-Expensive wallpaper: 5. It kind of came off, but if you look closely you can still see blue. It’s either replace the wallpaper or send Eli to college. Guess which Diana wants to do.

-New flat screen TV: 1. It came off easily. The child may continue living.

-Non-expensive wall paint: 10. No matter how harsh the chemical, it will not come clean.

-Wooden block thing that holds TV: 1. Also came off easily. Which is kind of a bummer because I want to ditch it and mount the TV onto the wall like a hipster ad guy who lives in a loft.

-Dog: N.A. Any market evidence was hidden by Grover’s black fur. He could be a Picasso under there.

-Dry erase fridge thing the marker was meant for: 3. Surprisingly one of the few surfaces the marker doesn’t stick to.