Heavy

Saturday night, Diana came home from the wine store and the boys excitedly attacked her.  Elijah demanded to know then and there if she would, in fact, be working tomorrow or spending the day with them.

She said, yes, she would, in fact, be spending the day with them.

Elijah lit up a few degrees brighter.  “Yay!  A mom day!  A mom day!  We get to spend the day with mom!”  Luca did an interpretive happy dance based on the popular “Gangnam Style” video they have on heavy rotation (more on that in a later post).

Having just spent the whole day with them, I couldn’t help but feel the unspoken comparison.  I muttered as much as I kicked an imaginary pebble.

I, on the other hand, had to work on Sunday.  As I put on my jacket and headed out the door, I watched the three of them puppy pile under our brown blanket.  Diana caught my eye and could read my woe is me face.  She whispered to Eli.

In the manner of a hostage victim denouncing his government, he said, “Dada.  I wish you were here with us.” 

Diana fed him another line. 

“And I am glad we got to spend the day together yesterday.”

I appreciated his false words.  And I get it.  There can be only one Highlander and there can be only one favorite parent.  She’s my favorite parent too.  It’s her job to be the favorite.

Just like it’s my job to be the heavy.  I’m the punishment doler.  I’m the yeller and the sit on the stairs-er.  It’s not like Diana and I sat down and established who was going to be the one who thrusts open the bedroom door bellowing, “GO TO SLEEP!”  I’m just better at it.

Last night, Luca was feeling a lot better after being sick the last few days.  He took this opportunity to be a complete jerk and refused to eat, drink, bathe or sleep in lieu of yelling at the top of his lungs, “No!”

I was downstairs opening up some takeout when I heard Diana say, “If you don’t get into bed right now, I’m going to tell dada.  Okay.  Dada?  Luca won’t go to bed!”

I walked up the stairs feeling like a dinner theatre Willy Loman, trying to get jazzed for his 100^th consecutive performance.  I took a deep breath and entered stage right.

“Get in bed right now or I’m going to throw all your fire trucks into the trash.  Mommy is nicer than me.  I’ll throw that stuff into the garbage can with Grover’s poop and you’ll never see it again.”

Luca could see my heart wasn’t in it, but he took pity on me and went to bed.  Mostly because he was sickened by my performance.

I went back downstairs and was met by Grover, who will always consider me his favorite.  Because I yell at Eli and Luca.