Thursday, September 2, 2010
Lately, I’ve been feeling bad about tossing Luca into his nuclear power plant. All he wants to do is explore his newfound talent of crawling and I essentially hobble him for 20 minutes every morning while I shower. I know what you’re thinking. “Ooh, the guy who once sent DVD’s of ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ to all his relatives as Christmas presents wastes water by scrubbing his stuff for 20 minutes.” I have no excuse. I love hot water.
Anyhoo, yesterday, I decided to just let him do his thing while I showered. First, I made sure the baby gate to our back steps was secure and all the dangerous doors were closed. Then I gathered Elijah and Grover.
“Eli, I want you to watch Luca while dad showers. Make sure he doesn’t get into trouble or hurt. Grover, I want you to watch Elijah while he watches Luca while dad showers. Make sure he doesn’t get into trouble or hurt while he makes sure Luca doesn’t get into trouble or hurt.”
They both stared at me blankly.
I began showering with the door open. Every few seconds I’d call out to Eli.
“Eli! Is Luca ok?”
(Clearly not watching the baby)“Yes.”
I saw out of the corner of my eye that Luca was crawling around the kitchen.
“Eli! Can you make sure Luca is ok?”
Eli barely glanced into the kitchen and said, “Luca is playing with the stools.” The metal, not very well balanced stools that fall over if you breathe too hard on them.
“Eli, can you distract Luca? I don’t want those stools to fall on him. Give him a toy to play with!”
Not taking his eye off the TV, Elijah threw a Grover chew toy in Luca’s general direction.
I muttered a swear to myself and began vigorously rinsing the conditioner out of my beard. I looked out of the shower curtain and saw that Luca had entered the bathroom and was taking a real interest in our toilet paper rolls.
“Oh hey man. Good boy. Stay in here.”
But then I noticed that Luca was essentially crawling through Eli’s urine from earlier (Eli’s aim has really been off lately).
“No! Don’t crawl through the pee! Don’t crawl through the pee! Aw.”
I scooped him up and doused his hands with Clorox (not really). But we both learned our lesson about freedom.