Man

There are so many hysterical things that come out of Elijah’s mouth that I could dedicate an entire website to them. And then I could make a TV show called “Kids Say The Darndest Things.” And air it on CBS from 1998-2000. And get Bill Cosby to host. But it would end up just being a rip-off of Art Linkletter.

But occasionally, Eli will get into some hilarity that I cannot, no, will not keep from the HamannEggs public.

It’s his use of the word “Man.”

For some reason, he saves his “Man” exclusively for Whole Foods. Which is appropriate, because Whole Foods always is filled with extras from a “Cheech and Chong” movie. The place never ceases to give me beard envy.

Eli loves to ask Whole Foods employees for free samples. I cannot come within 100ft of the meat counter without the following coming from Eli’s mouth:

“Man? Hey man? Do you have free steak with toothpicks in them? Man? Man?”

The bearded dudes behind the counter typically ignore him. And me.

The other day, Diana and the boys were at Whole Foods when a lunatic breeched their tight security. And began raving like, well, a lunatic. He was shouting and screaming at the top of his lungs.

Elijah clamped his hands over his ears and began talking to the lunatic. “Man! You’re too loud, man! Hey man! Too loud!”

I’d love to say Eli was able to quiet the lunatic with his calm, 1960’s turn of phrase. But I imagine the lunatic did what they always do. Lick the apples I’ll eventually eat.

p.s. Eli started another year of school yesterday. Dear son, please stop growing up. Love, your dad.