Road Pee

Steve and I drove down to Peoria last weekend with Finn and Elijah. Aside from a non stop Star Wars marathon, the boys didn’t need much to keep them happy. But the combination of sippie cups and small bladders meant we stopped every fifteen minutes on our 3+ hour trip to go pee pee. Well, mostly Finn needed to go pee pee. Eli, who had soaked through his pants within the first two seconds of the trip, just wanted to ape what Finn was doing.

Now, being a terrible son, I hadn’t been on a trip to see my parents since well before Eli became semi-potty trained. So I entered a new world: Road Pee.

I’m fairly sure we made it through the gas stations and McDonald’s without either boy contracting a disease so horrible they can only refer to it by numbers. But here are a couple highlights:

We stopped at a Casey’s General Store that looked like it a set piece from “Mad Max.” There was a shirtless, tattooed covered dude staggering towards the menacing cashier. The cashier was no better. Apparently Casey’s corporate dress code doesn’t require sleeves. Or deodorant. I tried to talk Finn and Eli out of using their restroom, which was located through the back storeroom and gimp pen, but they were both engaged in the pee dance. But it was by far the cleanest public rest room I’d encountered in years. I still didn’t let the boys touch anything, but kudos to you, frightening Casey’s General Store.

At a Mc Donald’s (Steve and my preferred restroom stop. They have the best French fries), Eli barged in and began rattling the one and only stall door, which was locked. The occupant tried to give us the international symbol for “occupied,” which meant coughing loudly. I steered Eli to the urinals, but he had no idea what they were for. Behind us, Finn burst in and began rattling the one and only stall door. I thought the poor man was going to cough himself into a trip to the emergency room.

This last story isn’t a Road Pee, but it’s worth a tell. My father was using his personal facility, as is his given right, when Elijah entered unannounced. He proclaimed, “I have ta pee, grandpa!” And then stepped up to the plate without waiting for my dad to finish. I’m sure the last time my dad shared a pee with another dude was decades ago.