It’s That Time Again

Rather than go through the trouble of visiting every child in Lisle individually to catch their colds, flus and hoofs and mouths diseases, Elijah went straight to the source: The water park.

Now if you remember from last summer’s hilarious HamannEggs anecdotes, Elijah loves the water park as much as I love a good butt scratching after a long night’s sleep. The following are two, count ‘em, two Eli water park stories.

STORY 1
According to Diana, Elijah was in a frenzied state the entire time they were there. Never one to shy away from anyone, Eli spent the entire time getting into other kid’s business. He reportedly knocked over big kids’ sand castles, splashed anyone within a 100 yards and yelled, “Hi! I Eli.” to anyone who would listen. Rather than beat him senseless, the other kids actually enjoyed Eli’s harassment. But there was one poor kid who made the mistake of wearing Star Wars swim trunks. This blew Elijah’s mind. He literally spanked this poor child’s butt while pointing out the characters on his shorts.

“Free pee pee oh!” (C3P0) Whap.

“Artoodee!” (R2D2) Whap.

Diana wondered if the kid may have had Autism. Because although he was double Eli’s age, he was terrified of Eli’s advances. I wonder if it was simply fear of being spanked by a 3 year old.

STORY 2
Diana said Elijah was so gleeful the entire day that she was afraid he’d drown himself by gulping gallons of water in mid laugh. He couldn’t be phased by other kids splashing him, pushing him down or running away in terror of getting spanked by him.

However, Eli draws the line at messing with his mommy. At one point, Diana sat in the kiddie pool to cool off (and apparently to see what sitting in pee feels like). Suddenly, a kid came up to her and dumped a bucket of water over her. Not exactly an assault, but Eli would have none of it.

Elijah suddenly dropped his gleeful smile and turned ice cold. He stomped over to the offending kid and said with a ferocity that surprised Diana, “Don’t. Do. That.” And then pushed the kid to the ground.

Having defended his mother’s honor, he went back to laughing hysterically and tormenting the poor Star Wars boy.

In case you were wondering, I spent that day in my office spanking co-workers.

p.s. I don’t have any photographic evidence of Eli’s water park glee, but I’m pretty sure his face in today’s photo is a good representation.