Morning shift

As I mentioned a few days ago, we broke Luca. Meaning he wakes up a hundred thousand times a night, screaming. We’re trying to break him of this habit, but it’s taking a lot longer than we thought. Luca’s daytime traits are: Chilling out. Smiling. Asking if you want your coffee topped off. Luca’s nighttime traits are: Being a stubborn so and so.

So by mid week, Diana was so tired she was walking into walls and wearing her underwear on her head. Wednesday night when I got home from work, Diana announced she was going to sleep at 7:45. I told her I’d take over the Luca night duty.

Of course he was fine for me and only woke up once. But the anticipation of Luca waking up caused me a night completely devoid of sleep.

6am rolled around and both boys woke up raring to go. Diana, feeling 5% better, told me she’d hang out with the guys and I could get one hour of sleep. I had meetings, so I told her I needed to be rousted at 7.

And that’s when Elijah declared, “I want to sleep wif you.”

I explained the situation to him. “Look, you can sleep in here. But dada needs sleep. Very very badly. So, no noise. Please, please please. No noise.”

The following is the rundown of Elijah’s version of letting me sleep from 6-7am:

6:05-6:14 - Loudly singing the theme to “Star Wars” and shouting, “Pew pew pew!”
6:15-6:16 - Listening as I threatened to send him to live with gypsies.
6:17-6:29 – Whispering the theme to “Star Wars” and whispering, “Pew pew pew!”
6:30-6:31 – Listening to me weep.
6:32-6:33 – Removal of pajama pants and nighttime diaper.
6:34-6:45 – Positioning his naked butt on my head.
6:46-6:50 – Riding my head like a bronco as I tried to wrestle him off.
6:51-6:58 – Hysterical crying at not being able to put his naked butt on my head.
6:59-7:00 – Sleep.