Sharing Is Dumb

If there was ever a concept invented by adults to torment children, it’s sharing. Um, you know that awesome thing you are currently enjoying playing with? Give it to that jerk who is crying next to you.

Our good friends from Colorado, the Goodriches, came over for pizza today with their cute two year old, Davis. And he and Elijah played well together. Which means they played near each other without disturbing our wine.

But occasionally Eli would be playing with a truck or a stick of dynamite and Davis would grab it out of his hands. Or Davis would be playing with a rock or a switchblade and Eli would snatch it. The result, as you can guess, was angry howls.

At which point we parents would rush over and say, “Now, now. You have to share. S-h-a-r-e.” The offending child would look at us as if to say, “Are you nuts? I barely know this knucklehead and you want me to give him MY colorful piece of plastic?”

I know I know, sharing is what separates us from the animals. And it separates the cool people from the a-holes. But it’s very hard for babies to get. It hasn’t been that long since Eli couldn’t grab a toy without uncontrollably bashing himself in the face, and now he has to start handing stuff off like Santa?

But Eli and Davis buried the hatchet, so much so that Eli gave him a kiss on the cheek when he was leaving. Davis looked at him as if to say, “Easy, Tiger. That may be how you do things in Evanston, but in Colorado we shake hands.”