Monday, May 12, 2008

Mother’s Day 2: Elijah’s Revenge

It’s no joke that I think my wife is amazing. Put her ability to deal with my semi schizophrenia aside. And put her ability to deal with my job that causes schizophrenia aside. She keeps Elijah from sticking a fork in his eyeball 24 hours a day and manages to do it while looking like Demi Moore before she went plastic surgery crazy.

So for this year’s Mother’s Day, I decided to give her the best Mother’s Day gift you can give: A break from her Motherly duties. I took Elijah duty the whole weekend so that she could do whatever she wanted. Which was clean the basement and plant 100 flowers around the house. Not what I’d choose (X-Box + Beer), but to each their own.

To avoid her being tempted by a screaming child desperate to escape parental incompetence, I took Elijah to my mother’s, who was in need of some grandson time. So Di had the whole place to herself.

When I told my brother I was taking Eli to Mom’s by myself, his response was, “Tell Eli I’m sorry.”

After a 3 hour trek in which Eli didn’t stop howling, I arrived at my Mom’s house. As I extracted him from his car seat, I chanted, “I think I can I think I can I think I can.” Within 20 minutes my Mom’s house was declared a Disaster Area. Diapers were stuck to the ceiling, crackers were crushed into her carpet, Eli gleefully extracted every item from her kitchen drawers and flung them to the four corners. My Mom had a blast, but I had a minor nervous breakdown.

By the time we arrived back in Evanston, every item of clothing he had was covered in goo. His car seat was more cracker than car seat. His hair color is technically strawberry blond because, well, it contained crushed strawberries.

But Di was happy for the break and Eli was very happy to see his rightful caretaker.

p.s. Matt Cragnolin, the great art director, made Di's Mother's Day card, which I display front and back for your viewing pleasure.

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