A week ago, I got a call from Hannah. Apparently, her duties as nanny now include hand pumping sewer water, as it was seeping up through our basement drain. Rage level: 5.
I called Roto Rooter and they send over a nice Eastern European man who put a camera into our pipes, to the tune of $500. Rage level: 4.
The nice Eastern European man immediately called his boss and waited anxiously and smoked anxiously on our front lawn. Rage level: 3.
His plump boss was the king of man who is highly trained at telling people bad news. There was a lot of “Sir” and “Can I show you something, sir?” Apparently, our big, beautiful trees in our front lawn have been plotting my destruction over the last 150 years. Their impenetrable roots had burrowed into our pipes, rendering them ineffective at getting our poop from our toilet to the sewer. They would have to get a giant backhoe and dig a big hole in our lawn. Right in the middle of our landscaping. Rage level: 9.
I asked, “What’s this going to cost me?”
“$5,000.” Rage level: 11.
I spent the night tossing and turning in bed, dreaming of explaining to Elijah and Luca why it was more important for us to poop than for them to go to college.
I was awake when I heard the backhoe rumble to life in our front yard. Rage level: 12.
Then I heard Eli scream from the front of our house, “LUCA! LUCA! There’s a machine in our yard! It’s digging! It’s digging!”
Luca raced past our bedroom door and screamed so loud it made Grover bark.
The boys pounded on our windows, shrieking with delight. They were insane with glee.
Rage level: 0.