Luca and Elijah seemed honestly baffled the Santa at the mall said they were on the Good list. I think they were a little hard on themselves. Aside from a little going to bed shenanigans and slowly but surely limiting their calorie intake to exclusively macaroni and cheese, they are both really great kids.
But that didn’t stop me from wielding my power to scare them into thinking Santa was going to drop nothing but Rudolph turds on our house come Christmas Eve.
My main bargaining chip was the xbox 360 Eli so desperately wanted. I informed him that his parents were not getting him one and the only chance he had was the fat man in red. Which meant being good for goodness sake.
Leading up to Christmas, I actually got on the phone with the North Pole and pretended to talk to Santa about throwing the xbox he was making right into the incinerator. At times like these, I wonder if this is who my 22 year old self thought I’d be when I was 41. And then I remember how much my 22 year old self wanted an xbox.
Elijah didn’t seem to make the connection that every gift he had received from family and friends leading up to Christmas was xbox-based. Santa would have to be a complete a-hole to deny him an xbox at this point.
Christmas Eve came and we had a lovely dinner with Diana’s family. After way too much wine, I put the boys to bed. I leaned against their bookshelves and tearfully told them how much I loved them.
Luca looked at me sleepily from beneath his blankie and told me he loved me back.
I looked up at the top bunk and Eli was staring at me with crazy eyes.
“I can’t sleep,” he said in a panic. He was worried Santa was going to turd bomb us.
I explained that he was in no danger of getting passed over by Santa because he was a very good boy. But he should try to drift off soon before his dad passed out and ruined everything.
I left him and tried to burn some time cleaning the kitchen. But I heard Eli freaking out about not being able to sleep. Diana suggested he get into bed with her, which sealed my fate of sleeping in the Peepeeatorium that is Luca’s bed.
A while later I listed to our room and heard two sets of snores. I quickly set up for Christmas morning and joined Luca.
In what felt like 5 minutes later, I was roughly shaken awake. Eli looked at me with the dead serious expression of a surgeon.
“Santa gave me an xbox.”
A Christmas miracle.