Sunday, March 31, 2013

Easter Socialism

Yesterday, I took the boys to Schaumburg Boomers Stadium.  The Boomers are a pretty kick ass minor league baseball team west of us.  My brother in law Mike runs the box office and gave us the inside scoop they were doing an egg hunt.

We arrived at 11am sharp and, despite the fact they refused to sell beer at 11am, it was super great.  The boys got to run around the stadium with their cousins and watch Schaumburg dads yell at their sons.

The main event was a couple hundred Boomer orange plastic eggs dumped on the infield. Arranged by age, kids lined the first and third base lines and then scrambled for candy.  Completely ruining the efforts of the groundskeepers.

Luca lucked out and was placed in the 4 and under age group.  As the kids and parents waited for the go, I bent down to Luca level and unveiled our political beliefs. 

“Hey.  Some of these kids aren’t going to get an egg.  And they’ll be sad.  If we get some, we should give one of our eggs to a kid who didn’t get an egg.  It’s what we believe.  We’re liberals.”

Luca moaned, “I don’t want to do this.”

Just then, a jerky kid in a blue hoodie began kicking dirt onto Luca’s shoes like Tommy Lasorda.  Luca stared uncomprehendingly at this future a-hole.  His mother dragged him away.

The P.A. announcer counted down from three and Luca got caught up in the madness and raced onto the field.  Being at the top of the age range worked in his favor and Luca ended up with 6, count ‘em 6 eggs.

The pandemonium ended and we strolled back to the stands, where Elijah prepared for the 6-7 year old heat.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a kid bawling.  No eggs.  And you know what?  It was the blue hoodie dirt kicking kid.  I’m not making this stuff up for effect.  It was the future a-hole.  With.  No.  Eggs.

I said, “Luca.  Give that kid one of your eggs.  Remember?  Because we’re nice.  And we voted for Obama.”

Luca held out an orange egg to the kid.  His mother stared at us, angrily.  I think she thought we were going to yank it away.  She grabbed it and huffed, “Thanks.”

I hugged Luca and told him I thought he was a great, great kid.  Luca burst into tears.  I think he was overwhelmed by the whole thing.  Or he was frustrated by Obama’s drone program or his support of Monsanto.   

A few minutes later, Eli joined us back in the stands.  He had only snagged two eggs and peered into Luca’s basket.

“Can I have one of Luca’s eggs since he got 5 eggs and I only got 2?”

Luca refused.  Charity has its limits.

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