Elijah and Luca have been sleeping in the same bed lately. Which I fully discourage because if I have to spend 14 hours on a 100 degree day putting together a bunk bed, both bunks had better be occupied at all times, even at the expense of brotherly love.
Truth be told, my brother Steve and I slept in the same bed for years because we love each other. And fear closet monsters.
As you can imagine, the sight of both boys intertwined in an Ikea comforter is cute beyond words. I have no issue with the cuteness. I am in favor of cuteness at all times and in all forms.
My problem is the screaming.
Inevitably, over the course of the night, one boy or the other will sock his brother in their eye in his sleep. Or stick a foot in his brother’s mouth. Or strangle his brother in a “My Little Pony” related nightmare.
At which point the injured boy will scream bloody murder. The uninjured boy, awoken by the screaming of his bed-mate, will also begin screaming and then I have to get up and calm them down.
The other night, the screaming was so intense and uncontrollable, it woke the ¾ deaf Diana up. She came in an attended to Luca. I carried a thrashing Elijah downstairs to sleep with me in our guestroom/office/wine cellar.
As I drifted off to sleep to the genital irradiating hum of our WiFi, I could still hear Luca screaming upstairs. I went to investigate.
Luca, in a horror daze, was demanding milk to drink. Diana was trying to explain that we did not actually have any milk in the house because his father was an idiot and did not purchase milk earlier.
He could not wrap his screaming head around this and shrieked louder and louder. I got an idea and ran downstairs. I returned a few minutes later with a Sippie Cup filled with lemonade.
“Look! Lemonade!” I said. Luca snatched it out my hands and drank vigorously.
Content that I was a genius, I returned to our office and went to sleep.
The next morning, I asked Diana how the night went. She said, “Let’s make a rule that for now on we don’t give our children a cup of sugar at 3am.”
Apparently, Luca did not go back to sleep. Instead, he wanted Diana to sing him a beautiful song. Repeatedly. Over and over. Oh, also he wanted to play fire trucks. I also think he wanted to drive to LA and start a band and whatever else sounds like a great idea when you’re amped at 4am.