We signed both Elijah and Luca up for camp this summer. Because if they aren’t occupied they tend to destroy things. Like Diana’s mind, for example.
We opted for ease over outdoorsy-ness. The camps are just down the street at the Robert Crown Community Center and Ice Complex. Home of that one Olympic speed skating guy. No, not the guy with the soul patch. The other guy.
Both sons immediately hated it. Luca attempted to convince his counselors he was suffering from a massive fever, despite an internal temperature of 98.6. Elijah, who is a bit more experienced at the art of deception, complained this morning of vague stomach pains.
I can’t blame them. The camps were kind of awful. The other attendees were the girls from down the street who stole money from Eli’s piggy bank. And they could never convince Diana that they actually had our son’s best interests at heart. They never asked her to sign them in or out. Never asked if Diana was, in fact, their legal guardian. And the cookies they gave as a snack yesterday (that I stole from Luca) were awful.
This morning, Eli’s feigned stomach ailment prompted a call from the counselors to pick him up. Diana arrived a little later and…oops, Eli was no where to be found.
Was he at the facility? Um. Dunno.
Was he at the day’s event, the pool? Not sure.
Was he wandering the streets of Evanston in a daze? Gosh, wish we knew.
This lack of information did not sit well with Diana. I do not believe she burned the Robert Crown Community Center and Ice Complex to the ground. But I imagine it was on her short list of activities for the day. An activity much more fun than anything they had planned for my sons.
Eventually, Eli was found at the pool (his stomach issues evaporated when he learned they were headed there), but Diana grabbed him and took him away from camp. Permanently.
So we’ve officially enrolled them at Camp Hamann. Where over half the counselors have given birth to you! Activities include: watching TV! Playing on the computer! Chasing black dogs named Grover! Watching TV! Fire truck toys! Visits from Finn! Watching TV! Fighting your brother over fire trucks.
And snack time.