Monday, August 2, 2010
Finite Love Conundrum
Last Saturday night, Diana and I were enjoying a post boy bedtime glass of wine when conversation turned to The Finite Love Conundrum.
For those of you who have yet to give birth or have only one child, I’m going to let you in on a dark secret fear all parents have. The Finite Love Conundrum.
The Finite Love Conundrum is a panic that sets in when you learn you’re having baby #2. The fear that it will be impossible to love another kid as much as #1. If you’ve kept up on the blog for the last 3 years, you know we L-O-V-E Elijah. Obsessive, semi-creepy love. The kind of love that defies logic and makes you want to document every poo, pee and stupid Star Wars story.
So when we learned we were having Luca, along with all the usual pre-birth panic, I found myself deep in the Finite Love Conundrum. How on earth could I love another person as much as Elijah? Isn’t love like fossil fuels? It has to run out at some point. And then you have to turn to the less effective and costly solar powered love. I promised myself that I’d keep my solar powered love for son #2 to myself, thank you very much.
But then Luca arrived.
I don’t know how he did it. But we L-O-V-E this kid. Crazy love. I find myself whispering desperate, insane things to him when all he wants to do is drink a simple bottle. I have a permanent lump in my throat from seeing that boy’s beautiful face 8 months ago. Ask me what I’d do for him. If I needed to murder someone to save Luca, I wouldn’t blink an eye. Hand me a claw hammer and a drop cloth.
He completely re-wrote the mathematical rules of love. He added one of those sideways “8’s” that means infinity. I love each of those two knuckleheads individually without equal.
There is no Finite Love Conundrum. There are vast, untapped love reserves I never knew I had. We have barrels of the stuff piling up now. Diana and I can’t walk through the house without knocking over a love barrel. The love just spills everywhere.
And don’t get me started on trying to get love out of the carpet.
p.s. Luca has another tooth. Eli named it "Toe."