Monday, April 19, 2010
Guns and Butter
A few weeks before Elijah’s birthday, my brother and I were having beers when the subject of gifts came up. Specifically, he asked if he buy Eli a Star Wars toy.
Normally, I would've said, “Yeah. Let’s begin the indoctrination. I’ll go get my robe.”
But I hesitated. Diana and I have differing opinions on the Rebels’ struggle against the evil galactic empire. It’s not that she doesn’t agree with the Rebel’s ideology. And I’m fairly sure she is pro Ewok.
It’s the guns. Before Eli was born, Diana made me promise never to buy Eli a gun. We’re pacifists. And, quite frankly, we’re having a hard enough time keeping him from hitting and pushing his cousins without adding firearms into the mix.
And if you looked at Eli’s Amazon.com list as created by Diana, it was exclusively toy cooking supplies. A toy oven. Toy pots and pan. Toy eggs and butter and a slightly inappropriate toy hot dog.
Upon reading the list, some inner Neanderthal leapt to the surface and shouted, “Cooking stuff? What are we doing, raising a girl?” I was immediately surprised that I had an inner Neanderthal. And that he was such a sexist jerk. And that he didn’t speak in grunts. I love cooking. It’s one of my biggest hobbies. And I am at least 80% man.
So I didn’t mess with his Amazon.com list. But I did give Steve permission to buy Eli some Star Wars stuff. But I didn’t tell Diana. That way I could feign shock and disappointment if she got mad. But I wanted Eli to have the option of playing with guns AND butter.
Birthday day came and went and Eli loved both his toy cooking supplies and toy intergalactic violence. He doesn’t really understand what the Star Wars stuff is, since we haven’t let him watch the movies. But he did learn from his cousins that they go, “Pew pew pew.”
But then again, he doesn’t really understand the cooking stuff, either. He pretended to boil toy eggs with a whole toy garlic. And then he added the creepy toy hot dog. What would Julia Child say?