Fish Network

I’ve said it before, but TV is a menace at our house. Elijah’s doctor berated us for allowing him more than 2 hours a day. Serves us right for not going with that TV doctor. So Diana has really put the hammer down. Which results in a constant barrage of, “Mommy? Can I watch TV? Mommy? Mommy? Mommmmmmmmy?” Occasionally, he’ll wait 2.5 seconds to ask us, hoping we somehow forgot.

His best move is impersonating his brother. “Mommy! Luca wants me to watch TV.” And then he’ll do this little voice that sounds a bit like Senior Wences. “I think Eli should watch Curious George.”

Boy #2 is slightly easier. Mostly because he can’t move. When Elijah is watching his ration, we simply point Luca facing away from the TV. It has to be a little frustrating to always have the feeling that something awesome is happening right behind your head all the time. Something usually involving a diaper-less monkey.

But Luca is not without his own entertainment. At the beginning of the month, I described his bedtime ritual. It culminates in his little baby fish tank. It’s this little thing that hangs over his crib that looks like a TV, smells like a TV and sounds like a TV. Except the only thing that’s on is fish. Little trippy fish that float by. Here is the programming guide:

-Fish News (“Breaking news! President Obama isn’t a fish!”)
-Fish Idol (“See who you, America, voted for. Chances are it’s a fish.”)
-Fish Lost (“It actually makes a lot of sense if you’re a fish.”)
-Fish (“Who doesn’t love Abe Vigoda?”)
-Mr. Belvedere

The best part of the Fish TV is Luca can actually control his Fish TV viewing. Mostly it runs on a timer, but there is a little button on the bottom that Luca can bash with his semi-controlled hand to turn it off and on. Sometimes when we put him in his crib and turn on Fish TV, he’ll immediately bash the button. “Enough with fish already!” And he’ll go immediately asleep.

But sometimes in the middle of the night, we’ll suddenly hear the fish TV in the corner of our room. It just kills me that he’ll wake up and simply check out TV instead of crying. What’s on at 3am? Fish.