Hamann and Sons Construction and Demolition

Elijah is not lacking toys. Diana, in her never ending search to find things to occupy the child, has purchased all manner of car, train, action figure. Add to that his growing collection of hand-me downs from cousin Finn, there is an avalanche of things for Eli to ignore in favor of coloring on our hardwood floors with crayons.

My favorite things he owns are blocks. As someone who spends his days doing things that you can’t touch feel or hold in your hands, there is something deeply satisfying about actually constructing a three dimensional object. I can spend hours on end raising tower after tower on Eli’s bedroom floor.

But as much as I enjoy constructing objects d’phallus, Eli far more enjoys knocking down my creations. Mostly he enjoys knocking them down before I’m finished. I can barely get the restaurant, bar and pool area of my hotel up before he gleefully kicks it over, like a two and a half year old Godzilla. Sometimes, like a fifth grade bully, he’ll say, “You cry now.” Which I oblige.

I’ll say, “Maybe you should let daddy get the whole convention center and indoor jai alai court finished before you smash it.”

He responds, “You cry now.”

Well, this Christmas my buddy Tom gave Eli his own Batmobile. It has a key on the back which, when turned, will cause the Batmobile to roar to life and take off on its own in pursuit of The Joker or Mr. Freeze.

This has inspired a new level of Eli demolition. Instead of using his arms and legs to destroy my aquarium slash space observatory slash luxury apartment complex, he rams it with the Batmobile.

You’d think this would add insult to injury, but for some reason, he prefers to use the Batmobile to destroy my buildings AFTER they’re finished.

So now we have a beautiful circle of life in the Eli floor. I’ll build a skyscraper, dedicate it, have a party on the patio overlooking the plastic farmland, marvel at what I’ve built, and then say, “Ok, Eli. Destroy it.”

He then turns the ignition and then stands back to watch billionaire Bruce Wayne topple everything I’ve worked for over the last 10 minutes.