The Great Escape

Both of you loyal HamannEggs readers will recall that we failed at getting Elijah to sleep in his big boy bed/closet and resorted to putting him back into a crib equipped with a crib tent. Which is essentially a tent that, uh, goes over the crib and stuff. It features a zipper entrance that can only be accessed from the outside.

It worked remarkably well for quite a while. You English majors out there will notice a little “ed” at the end of the word “worked” in that sentence. The other night I awoke at 4am to find Eli standing at the side of our bed, eye to eye with me. Rather than scream, which is my legal right when frightened out of a deep slumber, I kissed him full on the mouth. The grossness of that action was enough to make him scurry back into his room.

Later that morning, I marveled at how this kid could get out of a strong, double stitched nylon tent that has no conceivable mode of exit for a two year old. I imagined him working with a team of other POW’s to create a tunnel under his crib, forge documents, make civilian clothing, procure contraband, and prevent the guards from discovering his work. I imagined him repeatedly caught by guards and thrown into solitary with only his baseball and glove as company.

But when I looked closely, I discovered he gnawed through the nylon just above the zipper. Maybe gnawed is an exaggeration. I think he kicked a hole through it. But the fact that he worked it out in his head to punch a hole in the exact right spot and then painstakingly unzip the zipper was awesome.

So we decided to ditch the tent. Eli has adjusted fairly well to his new freedom. Occasionally we’ll hear him pop out of his crib and goof around late at night, but by the time I climb the stairs and burst into his room to yell, he’s always back in his crib feigning sleep.

This morning, I had to wake up for a painfully early conference call. I attempted to creep by Eli’s door so as not to wake him, but he heard me and started loudly shouting his desire to watch Curious George cartoons. Not wanting him to wake Diana or Luca, I tried to open his door to shush.

The little bugger had locked it from the inside. I could hear him laughing in his crib as I struggled to pop the lock.

p.s. We’re trying again to sell our house. The realtor suggested we put up more photos of our family so potential buyers will see the kind of people who live there. By this photo, I’d say completely awesome people live there. And completely naked people.