$1,200

People who don’t know Luca ask me how it’s going a lot. They say it with a lot of drama. With extra emphasis on GOING. They also use that scrunchy face that indicates they expect me to launch into a long, sad story of sleepless nights, piercing shrieks and doo doo covered walls.

“He’s great. Better than great. He doesn’t cry. Ever. He just sits there observing the world.”

They always say, “Great!” But behind their expressions, especially those who have, or are about to have a baby, I can see a little disappointment. I don’t know what to do. Make up negative stuff about him? Lie and say he doesn’t sleep through the night?

I usually steer the conversation to Elijah’s latest antics. Like how he stabbed our HD TV with a butcher knife. That usually satisfies their lust for crazy.

So on top of Luca’s other awesome possibly the best baby in the world-ness, he smiles now.

The other night, he was sitting in his bouncy seat, observing, and I came over to say baby talk things to him. I asked Diana if he was handing out any smiles. She said, “See if you can get one.”

I politely asked him. Nothing. I asked again. Nope. I begged him. Double nope.

Finally, I said, “I will give you one hundred dollars if you smile.” Sure enough, the little bugger smiled at me. Cha ching.

Diana warned me, “Don’t look directly at it. It’s like looking into the sun.”

I said, “Got another one? I just got paid this week.” Bam. He was $200 richer.

But then, like every good drug dealer, he left me hanging. I said, “How about another one? Come on, man. I need it. Just one. Please? Please man? I gotta get me a smile.”

I started raising the ante. “$200? $500? $550?”

Finally, I offered him $1,000 for a smile. And, and this isn’t fiction, he smiled. If he invests this money he’ll be able to afford one book when he goes to college.

Today, Steve, Pam, Rory and Finn came over for a brief visit. Luca was dishing out smiles to Pam and Rory like they were free.