Chief

Saturday, we had a realtor showing at our house. Diana’s OCD went into overdrive since our house looked like someone tossed a grenade in our living room. She took one look at me laying on the couch, in my underwear, with a filthy two year old sitting on my belly and said, “You two. Out.”

We decided to meet Steve, Finn and Rory at the Rock Park. It’s a park with a, um, big rock in it. Elijah got to engage in his favorite activity, swinging. But he also learned some new awesome things from his cousin.

First, Finn taught him his first “knock knock” joke. It went as follows. “Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? (Fart sound).” Followed by hysterical laughing. This joke was repeated so many times that the other parents gave us a wide birth at the swing set.

Second, Finn taught Eli how to play hide and seek. However, their version of the game involved Eli chasing Finn while shouting/counting to 10. So technically the game should have been called “Seek and shriek.” Once Eli caught Finn he would shove Eli to the ground.

Thirdly, and most importantly, Finn taught Eli how to use his cuteness to get stuff. Next door to the rock park sits one of Evanston’s firehouses. The doors were thrown open and the young Firepeople were doing whatever it is they do in the minutes between rushing off to the daily bong-related fires at the Northwestern campus.

Finn and Eli began the cutest loitering on the planet in the hopes they’d be able to get inside the “Firetruck house.” It was a little sickening watching them turn on the charm. They were practically holding hands and singing “Edelweiss.”

Eventually, the Firemen and Firewomen succumbed to the cuteness and invited us inside. I practically knocked the boys over in my rush to see the big red shiny things. The head Firewoman presented the boys with two plastic fire helmets. I immediately thrust Eli’s on my head. “He…doesn’t like hats,” I lied. While I peppered the Firewoman with questions like, “What does this button do?” the boys got the thrill of sitting behind the wheel of the big rig.

The Firepeople began giving us hints that it was time to go. Hints like throwing unopened beers into the yard and shutting the door when Steve and I ran after them. So I scooped up Eli and took him home where we tried to explain what we just saw.

“Tell mommy where we were!”

“What?”

“What kind of trucks did you just see?”

“Huh?”