Tuesday, May 19, 2009

How To Get In Trouble

Every few days, I ask, beg and plead for Diana to send me new Elijah photos so I can avoid posting blurry ones like yesterday. And for the most part, she comes through like a champ. Cute. Funny. Full of goo.

But inevitably, she will include a photo like today. A naked baby picture. Now, watching my son be naked in the comfort of my own home is great. In fact, I prefer naked Eli to clothed Eli. He’s free and easy in his skin. But at work, naked photos of anyone, let alone someone under the age of 5 is not cool.

Let’s say for instance you are the head of Human Resources and you’re strolling around the office looking for reasons to fire someone. And you happen to look into a certain overpaid creative’s office who is known for making mischief. And you see he is gazing at nude child photo. What do you do? What do you do?

I emailed the naked Eli photo to my art director, Matt, and asked him to add pixels to the image so I could use it in today’s post. A few seconds later he rushed into my office and shouted, “Are you trying to get me fired?”

Thinking this situation wasn’t weird enough, I posted about it on my Twitter account (for those of you unfamiliar with Twitter, don’t worry. It’s a fad that will be over shortly). I immediately got inundated with internet “friend” requests from creeps like “NudeGuy” and “NakedLady69.” In one fell swoop I am now part of the online weirdo world.

And yet, Diana still can’t understand why I refuse to post more nude photos on the blog. I think I am one naked Eli photo away from getting a knock on the door from the good folks at the FBI.


Diana said...

It's just that with Eli's current disdain of diapers, it's hard to get photos of him clothed. Besides, look how proud he is!

NudeGuy said...

Howdy, partner.

creepyronald said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Baby's Daddy said...

I feel your discomfort. Some of the (to us) hilarious vids of the boys in the tub that I've posted to YouTube have gotten an oddly high number of hits. Couple that with a single "Cute kids" comment from a non family member, and you've entered the creepy-zone. It doesn't help that I hear "Cute kids" in the same tone that the T-1000 uses to say: "Nice bike".

farrellh said...

Dear Hamann, Hi, I'm a Hamann also and spotted your blog looking for Hamanns near Long Lake, Mi.

What is odd (besides you, Ha Ha, just kidding) is that I am prob. best known for my somewhat famous mosaic eggs. ("unique collection" the J. Paul Getty Museum, "Beautiful" Oprah Winfrey, etc.

I'm not a blogger, at least until today and the "Comment deleted by administrator makes me a little nervous.... Was actually considering sending you a photo of my adult daughter (who would brain me if she knew) My K. is so beautiful that old ladies in the mall would grab her and say stuff like "You belong on a music box!!" & stuff like that. I know I'm her dad but really, no kidding.

My understanding is that the Hamann family motto is: "Hang higher than a Hamann!"

Incidently, I don't mind a little a poop joke once in a while. I had a writer's file with the Tonight Show some years age (circa Carson) and I'd throw in a few once in a while. "May you be starving and drop your last bran muffin in the camel's pen" "May alley cats flick gravel in you face"
(head writers say not really a joke but funny anyway). humm, let me think..... OK... "Not true Ex-President Jerry Ford was so clumsy on the slopes that his wife, Betty Ford, waxed his skis with prep. H." Carson used to say that he always yearned to do a good poop joke.

A non-P joke: My accountant is too young... How young? Well, he has to wear a back brace to stay out of the fetal position!"

Wife and I live in Sacramento, CA and you are welcome to look us up. If you goggle, all links prob. bad. Also I'm not the OTHER Farrell H. (who is not my son, by the way) and I never played college BB.

I got a call from a Hamann last year (I decended from Johnston (the RED Robin)on both sides (I know, inbred) Anyway, I was more than a little paranoid because I was raised far, far left.

Too much coffee. I do have a Huge art collection (my own work, so come and see........)

Take care, I'll try to publish this but may lose it since apparently I'v got to sign up.