JERRY!

Every day during the COVID crisis, I wake up and say to myself, “You gotta do a HamannEggs. You owe it to your readers.”

And then I fall into a 14 hour hole filled with sweatpants, awkward video chats, and bouts of screaming to please, for the love of all that’s holy, put your dishes in the dishwasher. 

The next morning starts it all over again. 

If only there was something that could totally upend these days that run one into another. Something cute. Something bitey. Well, we found it and his name is Jerry! Jerry the puppy!

Or Jerry Gergich Hamann to be correct. Do not allow any Dianas try convince you his middle name is Garcia. It’s Gergich, after the hapless “Parks and Rec” character. 

We got Jerry from the same Goldendoodle breeder as my boss (the ultimate brown nose move). However, due to the pandemic, we were required to pick him up in an empty suburban parking lot like we were purchasing a kilo of black tar heroin. They showed up in an unmarked SUV and we were instructed to have one, only one, person approach the vehicle. One I handed our check over and they essentially tossed Jerry into my arms before slamming the gas pedal back to their breeding paradise in the country.

Almost immediately, all the Luca and Elijah promises regarding puppy care went right out the window. They avoid his little sharp teeth and frequent need to go potty by hiding behind their xbox controllers. And since Diana has to maintain her essential business of helping Evanston’s residents stay drunk for the entirety of the pandemic, the dog duty (doody) is all mine.

He’s a good boy and is trying his best to figure out what these chattering monkeys who kidnapped him from his littermates want. 

You may be thinking, “How does Grover feel about this whole Jerry situation?” He’s not pleased. His dreams of living out his days lounging on our bed, occupying my 100% attention were dashed. But he occasionally plays with the little fella for a vigorous 45 seconds before collapsing on the floor.

Please enjoy this photo of Jerry smoking a cigarette.