TEEN!

Elijah Steven Hamann turned thirteen today. 

Can you friggin’ believe this? This whole blog started thirteen years ago! 1,212 posts. Viewers have visited from Ukraine, Russia and other places trying to hack my computer. 

It’s hard to describe how amazing this kid is. The best way I can describe him is the way we do it here at HamannEggs, with a story.

Eli woke up extra early on April Fool’s Day. The only time he’s woken up before 11am during the whole COVID-19 crisis. He took the time to hand draw googly eyes and tape them to every single item in our fridge. 

Later that day, after some internet research, Eli removed a vital hose from the toilet and pointed it in such a way that it would spray all over the victim when they flushed. The intended victim was Luca. The ACTUAL victim was Diana. 

He got in super trouble. 

Much later, while he was suffering through his “no screens for the rest of the night, mister” punishment, he snuck up behind me while I was watching TV. I was enjoying the after glow of my nightly Manhattan. The little bugger buzzed off half my mustache!

My special, quarantine mustache. My hideous, awful, 1970’s stoner mustache.

I was so shocked I couldn’t even get angry. I had to respect his April Fool’s mastery. But my eyes couldn’t lie. I was sad to see my mustache friend go. 

Eli felt awful. He apologized profusely and almost burst into tears. And spent the rest of the night trying to make it up to me, including making me another Manhattan. And no, I did not shave the rest of my mustache for my 8am video meeting the next day.

That’s Eli for you. Sweet, smart, funny, silly, slightly mischievous and a solid Manhattan maker. 

I love you pal. You’re the reason we’re all here.