Calls

Immediately after experimenting with video chats, we completely threw that idea out the window and went back to good old fashioned telephone calls.

A few days ago, I spent a few minutes whining to Diana about how difficult it is to stay in luxury hotels and eat expensive meals and generally be treated like a big shot. “…and I told my producer, ‘I won’t eat medium rare Wagyu Beef. I won’t. And then I threw it in her face…”

At this point she desperately tried change the subject and snatched the nearest child.

“Elijah! Do you want to talk to your dada?”

In the background, I distinctly heard him say “No.” Followed by the muffled sound of wrestling and a phone being shoved into a 4 year old face.

“Hello dada.”

“Hi buddy! I miss you so much. How are you? What are you doing? Have you played with Finn today? How is school? Are you being nice to your mommy? What did you eat today? I love you I love you.”

“Bye bye dada.”

This was followed by more wrestling and indistinct angry whispering.

“I love you dada and I miss you.” His tone was that of a hostage victim forced to renounce his country at gunpoint.

From here we went to Luca, who was eager to get on the phone.

“HidadaIwatchedFiremanSamtodayandIatemacaronianditsnowedandGroverpoopedandIhitmyheadandfellandthenIcriedandCuriousGeorgeandMommysaidgotosleepandthefirstnumbersayssevenandIwentpeepeeponthepotty!”

Diana then forced him to say he loved me at gunpoint.

We then went to my favorite part, Grover. She held the phone up to his floppy ear and I spewed out my love for my special little guy. She then described his reactions.

“He is wagging his tail. He is sniffing the phone. He is sitting. He is walking out of the room.”

I did not get the bonus of an “I love you” from the dog. But I got one from my wife, not at gunpoint.