Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Boys vs Girls

When we got back from Denver, Diana and I decided to actually go out and enjoy some adult time away from the boys from time to time. But the run up to actually getting out of the house and shouting, “We’re Free!” is tough.

To make it easy on our sitter, we try to condense the entire pre-bedtime routine into ½ hour of wiping, milking and shoving before she arrives. And that’s why I found myself huddled under our barely spitting shower with Elijah and Luca last Saturday night.

Much like blame in the advertising industry, grime travels one direction in the shower: to the shortest. I could actually see gunk travel from me to Elijah to Luca. He didn’t seem to care, as he was concentrating hard on throwing buckets full of water onto our bathroom floor.

After the third time I admonished Eli not to drink water run off from my body, he looked up at me and asked, “Dad? Is Luca a boy or a girl?”

“Look at him. He’s all man.”


I paused. Did I want to get into the whole girl parts versus boy parts thing with him? Did I want to be the cause of him shouting, “Boys have penises, girls have vaginas!” in his pre-school class (Name that movie reference. Too late. “Kindergarten Cop.”)? Quite frankly, I did not. But I couldn’t think of another way to answer the question without screwing him up or giving him an attraction to leg warmers later in life.

“Well, Luca has a wenis. You have a wenis. I have a wenis. Luca has a wenis. We’re all boys because we have wenises.”

Yes, I said “Wenis.” I honestly don’t know why I didn’t simply use the “P” word. Somehow I thought that was better.

Elijah stood there looking at our wenises (Or is is “wenisi?”) for a moment. I silently prayed we would not have to discuss their similarities or differences. Or if his mother had one.

I got my wish by way of Eli going back to drinking the trickle of water that trickled from my elbow.

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