Thursday, January 26, 2012
Sorry gang, I’ve been a parenting blogger slacker due to some heavy workloads this week. Which also makes me a parenting slacker. But I’m back, baby!
Let’s back the documentation of my childrens’ lives to last Friday. During the big Chicago snowstorm (“Snowpocalypse!” “Snowmaggedan” “Thundersnow!”) I rode the El home with Callie and Liddie’s mom. Callie and Liddie, as you recall, are the little girls who Elijah declared he loves more than me.
Callie and Liddie’s mom suggested we all go sledding Saturday after the Snowtaclysm. I’ll admit, I almost declined because, well, Eli loves Callie and Liddie more than me and I am a petty, petty man.
But Callie and Liddie are too cute to pass up. As everybody (mostly Elijah) knows.
We bundled the boys up the next morning and headed to “Lovelace Park.” As I pulled into the parking lot I became the one billionth dad to think, “Hey wasn’t there a 70’s porno actress named Something ‘Lovelace?’”
The famous Porno Hill was jammed with kids. As we trudged up the hill with Elijah’s brand new blue sled, I watched as child after child slammed into each other’s shins at top speed, causing that ass over teakettle action that’s only awesome on the NFL.
I positioned Eli on my lap for Run Number One. As we glided down the hill, I realized very quickly that underneath the layer of snow we were riding was a thick layer of ice. Clearly the custodians of Porno Hill had hosed down the entire joint right before snowfall.
We immediately reached break neck speed and I put the brakes on. By “Brakes” I mean “Digging my giant boots into the ground.” This caused snow to rooster tail high into the air. And directly into Elijah’s face.
Snow + Face = Cry.
The only thing that kept us on Porno Hill was Callie and Liddie’s presence and the promise that cousin Finn was joining us.
The rest of the day was filled with gleeful trudging, snowy faces and the occasional backbreaking slip on the ice.
The Most Reckless Award goes to a tie: Rory and Luca.