Thursday, September 15, 2011


I spent a good deal of Sunday with Elijah at a birthday party. He was a complete joy the whole afternoon. The fact he got to spend 2 hours in a bouncy castle may have helped his demeanor. But I arrived home pleased as punch.

We burst through the front door and shouted for Luca and mommy, and there was a five minute running and jumping fest.

Suddenly, something felt a little off. There seemed to be too many of us. So I counted kids. 1. 2. 3. Three kids? I could’ve sworn we stopped at 2. So I counted again, thinking I was mistaking a black dog for a boy.

Nope. There was an extra boy in our house. I gestured to the new boy and Diana said, “How did Jake get in here?” The new boy had a name. Jake. And apparently Jake had followed Eli and me into the house. Walked right on in, unannounced. According to Di, Jake lives down the street with his grandmother, Miss Carol. And he likes to walk into our house. He stood there mouthing a fudgesicle and I got a little creeped out.

I volunteered to take Luca to the store and get dinner. Mostly to get away from Jake. As I exited the house I found Miss Carol on our front porch. Miss Carol is very, very old. And it clearly took a lot of effort for her to get to our house.

“Is Jake here?”

“Yeah, he just walked right in, Miss Carol.” I then offered her to come in and sit down for a spell. She refused, and began to make her way back to her house, content that her breaking and entering grandson was safe at our place.

Luca and I spent a lot of time at Whole Foods. I was trying to calculate how long Jake would stay at our house.

When we arrived home, Jake and Miss Carol were standing on our front lawn, having an argument. Miss Carol was trying to get him home for dinner with his mother. But Jake was not having it.

“I am going to eat at Eli’s!”

Oh really? I wasn’t aware of that. Knowing Diana’s feelings about Jake, I was sure Diana wasn’t aware of it.

“You can’t invite yourself over to people’s houses for dinner, Jake!” Miss Carol was at the end of her rope.

I peered into our grocery bag and said, “Oh sorry Jake. I didn’t get any extra food. Maybe next time. See you on the flip flop.”

At this point, Jake was on the phone with his mother, explaining that he was not going to eat with her and would be dining with the Hamanns. I bid Miss Carol a fond adieu and carried Luca into the house.

As I cooked dinner, I could see out our front window. Jake was sitting on a limb in our front yard tree. He was staring into our house.

I did what any red blooded American would. I closed our shades and went back to cooking.

1 comment:

Bonzer T said...

Dude. Jake creeps me out. He will be squatting on a tree limb in my nightmares tonight.

Never write about him again.