Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Jake Pt 2: The Return of Jake
I was kind of surprised by the response to my “Jake” post the other week. It seems a creepy kid who walks in unannounced seems to have struck a nerve. My brother in law Michael asked me never to write about him again.
Elijah, Luca and I went to the park last Sunday to let Diana study for her online wine course (glug glug glug). We were playing “Chewie, punch it.” Which entails holding a kid up in the swings until he cries, “Chewie, punch it!” Then I get to make a Chewbacca sound and release them into hyperspace.
After about the 50th “Chewie, punch it,” I realized Luca had completely filled his diaper. And I didn’t have a fresh one. So I pooped on our party and declared it time to go.
We were making our way through the park when I got a sudden chill. I spun around and there he was. Jake. My new nemesis. He was huffing and puffing and looking like that special kind of dorky that accompanies wearing roller blades and a red polo shirt.
“I’ve been looking all over for you!”
“Neat, you found us,” I said unenthusiastically. I wondered how this kid knew we were at the park. Was he evil enough to read minds?
I also spotted Miss Carol, his grandmother, trailing far behind in her motorized cart.
“You made your grandma come all the way over here in her cart?”
“What a grandma will do for her grandson, huh?” She said. At which point she hit a curb wrong and pitched over onto his side. A group of Denverites lifted her back up.
I then had to break it to Jake and his grandmother that we were headed in the opposite direction, given Luca’s diaper situation. I could see the thought of rolling all the way back home cross Miss Carol’s face. So I offered to walk with her and Jake back to our street.
Elijah blurted out the words, “Jake do you want to come over to play?”
I bugged my eyes out and hissed at him, “No no no no no no no.”
But Jake was already skating towards our house. I accompanied Miss Carol back to her house and I walked in saw Diana, who was not surprised we were with Jake.
“Judas!” I shouted. She had sold our location out. Jake ran off to play with Elijah. But he somehow found it necessary to remove his pants while he played.
I decided it was a perfect time for a beer.