Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Jake Pt 2: The Return of Jake

I was kind of surprised by the response to my “Jake” post the other week. It seems a creepy kid who walks in unannounced seems to have struck a nerve. My brother in law Michael asked me never to write about him again.

Sorry, Michael.

Elijah, Luca and I went to the park last Sunday to let Diana study for her online wine course (glug glug glug). We were playing “Chewie, punch it.” Which entails holding a kid up in the swings until he cries, “Chewie, punch it!” Then I get to make a Chewbacca sound and release them into hyperspace.

After about the 50th “Chewie, punch it,” I realized Luca had completely filled his diaper. And I didn’t have a fresh one. So I pooped on our party and declared it time to go.

We were making our way through the park when I got a sudden chill. I spun around and there he was. Jake. My new nemesis. He was huffing and puffing and looking like that special kind of dorky that accompanies wearing roller blades and a red polo shirt.

“I’ve been looking all over for you!”

“Neat, you found us,” I said unenthusiastically. I wondered how this kid knew we were at the park. Was he evil enough to read minds?

I also spotted Miss Carol, his grandmother, trailing far behind in her motorized cart.

“You made your grandma come all the way over here in her cart?”

“What a grandma will do for her grandson, huh?” She said. At which point she hit a curb wrong and pitched over onto his side. A group of Denverites lifted her back up.

I then had to break it to Jake and his grandmother that we were headed in the opposite direction, given Luca’s diaper situation. I could see the thought of rolling all the way back home cross Miss Carol’s face. So I offered to walk with her and Jake back to our street.

Elijah blurted out the words, “Jake do you want to come over to play?”

I bugged my eyes out and hissed at him, “No no no no no no no.”

But Jake was already skating towards our house. I accompanied Miss Carol back to her house and I walked in saw Diana, who was not surprised we were with Jake.

“Judas!” I shouted. She had sold our location out. Jake ran off to play with Elijah. But he somehow found it necessary to remove his pants while he played.

I decided it was a perfect time for a beer.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Every neighborhood has a Jake, and Luca and Eli will remember him fondly. The kid that had a weird home situation, might not ever had enough to eat and always invited himself in to play with better toys. By grade school he will of moved on and and he'll only be a distant memory. We had a Jake growing up, he would run through our sprinkler as my dad watered the grass in the evening.