Monday, January 24, 2011
Did I mention the fact that I have to learn how to ski/snowboard as part of my job? I know, a lot of your are thinking, “He clearly has no job and is making all this crap up. Look for him at your nearest underpass.”
Where a lot of people would view this job requirement as an awesome and enjoyable perk, I view it as something to stress out about. So I approach my Sunday morning trips to the mountains as someone studying for the SATs. It really takes a special kind of mope to stress about essentially free weekly ski trips. But that’s me!
Anyway, by the time I come home I’m mentally and physically exhausted. Yesterday, Diana took pity on me and allowed me to plop down in front of the TV to watch the Bears embarrass themselves in the NFC championship. She even joined me for that brief moment in the game when it looked like Chicago would cover the spread.
Elijah spent the whole time on the computer, which we believe is essential in his development as a fat person.
Luca, on the other hand, spent the whole time practicing for his future profession: Talk Show Guest.
The way the room is set up, you have to walk directly in front of the TV from the doorway. So Luca would toddle into the room from the hall right into our line of sight.
Diana and I would then shout, “Luca!” And Luca would shout, “Hi!” He’d ram into our couch and then immediately turn around and leave the room.
Two seconds later, he’d toddle in again. We’d shout, “Luca!” Luca would shout, “Hi!” And then we’d be back to the beginning. As a lowball estimate, I’d say this went on 30-40 times.
Occasionally, he’d stumble in like Dean Martin fresh off a bender. Other times he’d bite the couch like Buddy Hackett. Once, he came in smelling of a dirty diaper like Joan Rivers (Luca and Eli and everyone born after 1972, those people I mentioned were famous guests on “The Tonight Show” starring Jonny Carson. A show that was on TV back when TV didn’t rot your brain. Look it up).
P.s. This is Luca doing his Joan Embery (Luca and Eli and everyone born after 1972, don’t worry about looking it up. It’s not that funny of a reference).